This week we conclude our three-part saga about overcoming loneliness and embodying spiritual strength. In chapter three we learn how one woman found healing and support through the help of those around her. If you have not done so already, please be sure to read chapters one and two of this amazing story. And now, the conclusion of “Christie’s Secret becomes Self-forgiveness…”
I’m not sure anything could have cut through the fear of judgment I felt during this time of disbelief and isolation in my life. I was lost, confused and scared beyond belief. I felt desperate. My biggest fear were regarding what my parents, family and others would think of me. I went to a confessional hoping to find some relief from my guilt; but even that wasn’t enough.
Later the self-judgment and shame would be the biggest obstacles I had to overcome and to be totally honest, I’m still working through them. Hiding behind the walls of perfection, busy-ness, achievement, care-taking and people-pleasing has robbed me of a deeper, more authentic relationship with others.
But fortunately, there are also various things that have helped me, including:
- Healing my body, mind and connection with Spirit. I feel an immeasurable amount of gratitude, respect and deep love for my teacher and gifted healer.
- Receiving an extraordinary message of peace and absolution through the gift of my Spirit Guides.
- Hearing another woman’s story and realizing that if I didn’t judge her, how could I possibly judge myself?
- Reading the chapter “Hard” from Carry on Warrior by Glennon Doyle Melton.
- Thinking of the numbers of women who struggled with the same or even greater challenges.
- Experiencing the amazing quote, “One decision does not define the Truth of who we are.”
Sharing my story with people who have earned the right to hear it is very new to me. I am able to do so largely due to the work of Dr. Brene Brown, whose book was a catalyst for this time of healing in my life. Thank you for your life-changing work on vulnerability and shame, Dr. Brown! (I highly recommend her books to anyone dealing with situations similar to mine)
Sharing my story is amazing because trust is not something that comes naturally to anyone who has experienced any kind of abuse. In the beginning, I shared “tag lines” but never went deep into my story…until now. And I decided to share in spite of the fact that my spouse often encouraged me to “let the past be the past.” In truth, this is an issue of the heart and soul that needs to be revisited and honored, not ignored.
I wish I could tell you that I have achieved some level of clarity on the issues of sexual abuse and abortion. Both are difficult topics to examine and I don’t intend to make them any kind of personal platform. Instead, I am leaning toward the hope that regardless of what happens next, I can look at my story through a variety of lenses and feel less shame and judgment. I have found that only by adding energetic and spiritual healing practices have I been able to find a deeper level of healing on all levels. Perhaps sharing my story will help another person do the same.
I know that I am who I am based on my experiences. I have experienced difficulty, I have the support of wonderful friends and I’m in a relationship with a strong, supportive spouse. I have known the joy of parenthood and I am blessed in many ways. And now, with every cell in my being I thank you for honoring my story by reading it and hope that it blesses you, as well.
For more inspiration, please peruse other selections from our Inspirational Stories category. Thank you for visiting!
Grace and Clarity 