In part 1 of our Home Study of The Power of Now, we discussed how important it is to begin living in this Now moment. It is easy to get stuck in the past or live only for the future, especially if our current circumstances present growth cloaked in challenge. But Tolle reveals that by avoiding the present we miss the opportunity to experience the empowering lessons our lives are trying to offer us. To review our last discussion, please visit “Home Study: The Power of Now, pt.1.”
This month we celebrate Valentine’s Day, and you will notice many of our February blogs focus on the transformative potential of relationships. Today’s lesson takes a look at how relationships help us grow–right here in the immediacy of the Now.
Whether you are single or attached, a boss or an employee, a woman or man you likely struggle as you interact with the world sometimes. Each exchange we have during the day presents us with another chance to see something in ourselves that needs releasing, healing or simply acknowledging. Tolle is a master at describing how we can harness the magic each moment offers our spiritual growth, so we look to him for inspiration this month…
Today’s text: The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
Publisher: Namaste Publishing; Copyright, 1999 by Eckhart Tolle
Study pages: pp. 82, 158-160
I used to think relationships existed to make my life better; I believed my loved ones should harbor a desire to help me feel complete. But as a spiritual practitioner I quickly came to see that relationships are actually tools Life uses to help us grow and cultivate underdeveloped skills. Much to my chagrin, I realized that relationships are actually designed to trigger my “stuff” at least as often as they ignite my joy. Take Tolle’s powerful words on pp. 158-159, for example (paraphrased):
“Whenever your relationship brings out the ‘madness’ in you, be glad. For, what was unconscious is being brought up to the light. Unconsciousness and knowing cannot coexist for long…If you continue to pursue the goal of salvation through a relationship, you will be disillusioned again and again. But if you accept that the relationship is here to make you conscious instead of happy, you will be aligning yourself with the Higher Consciousness that wants to be born into this world.”
Again I admit, this was not at all what I thought relationships were for! Yet, as we read on to Tolle’s view of what a healthy relationship can be, we see a picture taking shape that warms the heart with suggestions of hope, trust and spiritual maturity (p. 160):
“If you both agree that the relationship will be your spiritual practice, so much the better. Express your feelings as soon as they occur so that you do not create a grievance that can fester. Learn to give expression without blaming. Learn to listen to your partner in an open, nondefensive way. Giving space to others and to yourself–is vital. Love cannot flourish without it.”
But let’s be honest: sometimes situations are not so rosy. You can do your part to embody the above practices, but your coworkers may not be open to having an “energetically illuminated disagreement” with you, for example. What then?
On one of the most dog-eared pages of my book–page 82–Tolle gives us the answer. The directive is so unambiguous and profound, he states it twice: once in paragraph 2 and again in paragraph 3. I actually numbered the steps, “1, 2, 3” in the margin, just to remind myself how clear-cut the options are for dealing with difficult circumstances:
“If you find your here and now makes you unhappy, you have three options:
Remove yourself from the situation,
Change it or
Accept it totally.”
I consider this sentence to be one of the most empowering in Tolle’s book. That may sound like a nice word–empowering–until we realize many people are actually afraid of their own power. Isn’t it true that if we claim our inherent power we can no longer live as victims? We no longer survive meagerly off the pity of others; we can no longer use the past as an excuse to underachieve. Indeed, although these three steps are easy to say, for many they are nearly impossible to execute.
Please note that in paragraph 2, Tolle reminds us that “change it” means taking action and speaking out if possible. As always, once that is done we are reminded of the importance of surrendering the outcome and returning to the Now moment, allowing the situation to resolve itself as Life sees fit. Like all true spiritual teachers, Tolle does not give us room to shirk the responsibility of making the choice to either embrace or abdicate our power. He challenges us by saying:
“If you want to take responsibility for your life, you must choose one of these three options, and you must choose now. Then accept the consequences. No excuses. No negativity.”
This is what I love about true spiritual teachers: They show us our options and then declare, “Choose.” No chance for whining, no room for negotiation. They remind us that true freedom is not free; as the spiritual teacher Adyashanti says, “All it costs, is everything.” And if you think you can slide by simply by not choosing at all, I refer you to those great poets from the 70’s rock band Rush who remind us: “If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.“
Using a pen and journal or piece of paper, contemplate the following this week:
1. If I believe others are here to help me be more conscious, what patterns are each person helping me see in myself?
2. My closest relationships are with (insert names). With each person, do I need to learn to express my feelings sooner, give expression to my feelings without blaming or listen to them in an open, nondefensive way (or all of these)?
3. Where in my life do I need to own my power and remove myself from a situation?
4. Where in my life do I need to help effect a change by taking action or speaking out (followed by surrendering the outcome)?
5. Where in my life do I need to accept things as they are and focus on other energies instead, such as gratitude?
If you are enjoying the challenges Tolle is setting forth, I encourage you to begin to act on what you learn about yourself this month. What’s more, you may find it helpful to discuss these questions with others of like mind. Don’t be shy–members of yoga classes, meditation meetings and spiritual groups often wish to discuss their journeys. All they need is you to invite the conversation!
In session three of our Tolle Home Study, we will be diving deeper into The Power of Now and why Tolle says that time for “processing” is not the answer to our problems…don’t miss it! Be sure to click and follow our blog so you can be alerted when our next discussion commences. Until then, stay present in the Now!
For more book discussions, please peruse the other selections from our Home Study category. We also invite you to experience uplifting insights from the Higher Realms at www.hopeofthenewage.com/Wisdom
Grace and Clarity 