Home Study: Oneness, pt. 2

19 Dec 2011 Leave a comment

by graceandclarity in Home Study

In part 1 of our Home Study of the book Oneness, we talked about how to conduct ourselves energetically when confronted with difficult people or circumstances.  By first pausing to connect to our inner stillness, we can then respond from a place of self-awareness and Truth.  To review that lesson, please visit “Home Study: Oneness, pt.1.”

Today’s lesson discusses what our goal for any challenging interaction can be.  Is it to convince others of our point of view, abdicate our power to the person with the loudest voice, tolerate an unappealing compromise?  From the standpoint of spiritual growth, the answer is “none of the above.”  Let’s learn more…

Today’s text: Oneness by Rasha

Publisher: Earthstar Press; Copyright, 2003

Study pages: pp. 43-45

Background–Most of us know how tempting it is to want to be right–or at least be viewed by others as being right.  What results is an endless parade of interactions rooted in this deep need for affirmation.  When we are able to convince others of our point of view we feel validated; when we must acquiesce to another’s reasoning, we feel devalued.  Even when we “agree to disagree,” there is a sense of dissatisfaction when no clear victor claims the spoils of our emotional wars.  Yet, most of us believe there are no other options when it comes to managing relationships and challenging circumstances.  In fact there is another way, but our hearts have to grow into it, as described in Oneness, page 43:

“Once you have transcended your inclination to stage repeat performances of the dramas that have dominated your life (read: we choose to repeat our life dramas!) you are able to move forward to the next phase of the work at hand.  The choices you encounter from this point forth represent opportunities to translate discord into harmony…to transcend the need to be ‘right’ in deference to the possibility of emerging with a sense of completion.”

What this is essentially saying is that we start seeing challenges as opportunities not to win, but to stop playing the game entirely.  Instead of using an argument to convince others you are right, you can manage a disagreement by stating your Truth and allowing others to agree or disagree as they see fit.   On page 44 we read:

“Your objective now is to recognize all encounters as the opportunities for achieving harmony that they truly are.  By presenting your own perspective without attachment to outcome, you allow the optimum outcome for all concerned.  By planting the seed of your intent without the need to force it into fruition, you best serve your own interests as well as those of others.”

Of course, the problem comes when we are deeply attached to a certain outcome, so for some of us a bit of preparatory homework must be done; let’s back up a moment and discuss it.  As we know from the Grace and Clarity article, “Resistance = Suffering,” resistance in the form of attachment and aversion causes us to suffer.  When we insist things go our way or we insist others refrain from actions we deem unacceptable,  we are in resistance to any outcome but the one we consider appropriate–and suffering ensues.  So before some of us can speak our perspective “without attachment to outcome,” we must do some deep inner work of surrender.  I find practices that cultivate surrender like offering devotion to the Divine and cultivating faith that “all is in divine order” help us achieve freedom from attachment.  Once we are at that point, we can move to the final step of the work as described on pp. 44-45:

“The objective (in a moment of conflict) is not to win or be right, but rather to recognize that the current choices determine what the next set of choices are to be.  Winning, losing and begrudging compromise are recipes for repetition of the same script with a different cast of characters (sound familiar?!)  But once you become attuned, you will find that you are less concerned with triumphing than with maintaining equilibrium.”

Maintaining equilibrium–who knew that would become my big spiritual goal?  It sounds so NON-mystical, so unimpassioned, so full of…allowing.  And that is exactly what it is designed to do.  At this stage of the energetic growth game, our goal is not to win but to allow, thereby minimizing our own suffering/resistance and stepping into the Divine Flow.  To get clear on what we must do to get there, take a journal or piece of paper and consider the following:

1.  How often do I need to be right when in a disagreement?  Who do I usually feel compelled to convince?  Whose validation do I need the most?

2.  When I get into an argument, what can I say to myself to remember this is an opportunity for resolution, not a battle to be won? (ex. “Equilibrium, not victory” or “Speak your Truth and let go!”)

3. With which topics do I have the hardest time surrendering the need to be right? (ex. politics, family history, past hurts)

4. Who will I likely discuss those topics with in the future?

Once we get a sense of what our trigger topics are, who we usually discuss them with and how we will remind ourselves not to engage in battle, we are on our way to success.  I call it, “zooming out:” the willingness to see a conflict not as the interaction at hand but as the energies being exchanged and the damage being done to one’s equilibrium.  Still, there is balance to be had–repression is not the answer, either.  In the final installment of our Oneness Home Study, we will talk about how repressing your emotions  can actually slow your spiritual progress!

Ritual to Release and Renew

17 Dec 2011 Leave a comment

by graceandclarity in Practicum

December is filled with beautiful opportunities to mark our turning from darkness to Light.  Rituals of lights are performed in Hanukkah, Christmas, Winter Solstice and New Year celebrations, providing us with many chances to honor our personal growth.  Whether you choose to observe them in solitude or in the company of loved ones, ceremonies give us a method for paying tribute to the transformation in our lives.  Here is a simple ritual you can enjoy alone or with others which turns your hearth into a place of ceremonial celebration!

You will need:

A wood-burning hearth or stove (a basket will do if you have neither)

One or more candles, music and aromatherapy to create a blessed atmosphere

Twigs or small sticks

Notepaper and pens

Start by creating a sacred space.  Simply light one or more candles, select some soothing music and fill your space with captivating aromas.  You may wish to use an aromatherapy spray, light some incense or simmer a natural potpourri on the stove by combining water, cinnamon sticks, cloves and a dash of nutmeg.

Gather your group or your own thoughts and select a stick or twig symbolizing something you wish to release from your past year.  It may be a feeling, a painful interaction with someone, an unhealthy personal habit or a phase in your life.  Share aloud what your item symbolizes, imbuing the stick with your deep desire to release old energy.  Then lay your twig in a cold or crackling hearth; if you have no fireplace, simply lay the stick in a basket.  If you are practicing in solitude, allow ample time to share with the Higher Realms everything you wish to release.  If you are in a group, each person can take turns discarding as many symbols as they would like until all feel complete.  Then, if the hearth is cold take a moment to light it, silently watching the refuse of the past year transform into pure Light and Energy.  Items placed in a basket can be ceremoniously scattered in Nature following your ritual.

Once all Releases have been expressed, it is time to affirm your Intentions for the new year.  I recommend from one to three Intentions; any more than four and it is difficult to  remember all the things you are trying to achieve.  This leads to unnecessary guilt and shame when priorities are set but never accomplished.  Have few enough Intentions that you can memorize them quickly and call them to mind repeatedly over the coming year.

Taking a pen and paper (I like sticky notes, which can be immediately posted for reference), write down your Intentions.  The more succinct you can be, the easier the Intentions will be to memorize.  For example, bringing more compassion into your relationship with Nathan can be simply written as, “Compassion toward Nathan.”

I encourage my students to select at least one Intention relating to their spiritual practice; make your Journey a priority each year and you will find you grow more quickly.  These might be praying or mediating with more discipline, opening your heart to Divine Guidance regularly or other goals that deepen your Connection to Goodness.  Finally, read your Intentions aloud.  If practicing in a group setting, have each person read just one Intention they feel comfortable sharing with others.

Close your ritual by offering gratitude and asking the Higher Realms to bless your Intentions.  Be sure to save your paper and keep it close for your reference.  I like to rewrite my Intentions on two or three sticky-notes, placing one in my office, another in my car and another in my home.  This reminds me to check in with them again and again and not to forget them as the months roll by.  Our Intentions are meant to unfold within us over the entire year, until the next time we are ready to Release what no longer serves and Renew our connection to  Divine Light.

“Resistance = Suffering…”

11 Dec 2011 Leave a comment

by graceandclarity in Wisdom

This is the time of year when many of us interact with friends and family members we do not get to see at other times of the year.  Some folks we wish we could see more often, others we choose not to spend time with on purpose.  Perhaps they bring up difficult emotions in us: fears, resentment, reminders of a troubled past.  Other times we avoid seeing loved ones because there is the feeling that we or they are not living up to the other’s standards.  We are afraid to disappoint or be disappointed, so it seems easiest just to avoid one another entirely until the holidays dictate we all reconvene.  However, instead of experiencing disingenuous interactions this holiday season, consider the possibility that you can truly open your heart to those around you–even those who have caused you to feel conflicted in the past.  How?  Enter the magic ingredient: allowing. 

We hear from many spiritual traditions that resistance is the root of all suffering.  Sometimes we resist the way someone is acting, which means that we have an aversion to what that person is doing with his or her life.  Other times we resist someone changing their ways because we are attached to the way they used to behave and we want them to stay the same forever.  Aversion (“I don’t want that!”) and attachment (“I want that back!”) are the two main branches of the tree of resistance.

Here is what the Guides have to say regarding how we feel about others and how releasing our resistance can help create more harmonious relationships:

“Resistance in the form of attachment or aversion is the root of all suffering–ever.  Release your attachment to what someone is and they are free to become more.  Release attachment and you, too, will be free.”

Of course this sounds easier said than done!  Take, for example, the child who becomes a drug addict or the partner who decides to have an affair.  It is difficult to allow when we deem such actions inappropriate.  But allowing does not mean that we become the doormat of society.  We can still speak our boundaries clearly and uphold them, while simultaneously allowing others to have their own lives.  Remember, too, that allowing is not the same as acceptance.  Allowing does not mean that you condone or accept someone’s actions as proper or appropriate.  It simply means that you acknowledge that person’s right to choose, which is the freedom that all sentient beings possess.

I have come to realize that when I become attached to who or what I think someone should be, I am actually resisting an experience that might lead them to tremendous growth.  Simultaneously, when I have an aversion to someone changing their ways, I must realize that I am holding them back from the route–however circuitous it may be–that may in time lead them to their greatest self-awareness.  And let us not forget: some of us have to learn through pain.  There are always those who must hit rock-bottom before bouncing back up again.  This may be the case for some of your loved ones this holiday season.  Instead of feeling sad for them, know in faith and confidence that all find their way eventually.

It is a tricky business, allowing, but it can be done.  Consider making time each day this holiday season to ask the Divine to help you allow certain loved ones to be who they are.  Spend some time affirming that each soul is on a unique Journey of self-discovery which will inevitably lead them home.  Turn your loved one over to the Divine, asking the Allness to care for, encourage and guide that person as he or she travels through life.  Always be sure to end with gratitude, giving thanks for some of the blessings on your own path.  Then continue undaunted as a positive role model for others, standing firm in the faith that all will eventually arrive at a place of Truth and Understanding.

Home Study: Oneness, pt. 1

05 Dec 2011 Leave a comment

by graceandclarity in Home Study

The study of spiritual texts comprises one of the most basic facets of spiritual education and illumination.  To help introduce others to manuscripts I have found life-changing, I am delighted to introduce a new Home Study section here at Grace and Clarity for your convenience.  Every week or two, we will dive into insightful passages from books authored by some of today’s leading spiritual teachers and intuitives.  You can follow along with a pen, journal and your own copy of the text, or simply take notes on passages straight from the Home Study page.  Be aware that the books I will be featuring have changed my life, becoming well-worn volumes in my personal library and are well worth the purchase.  If you find a particular book inspiring, I encourage you to support the author and purchase a copy of your own!  And now, to begin our first Home Study assignment–read on!

Today’s text: Oneness by Rasha

Publisher: Earthstar Press; Copyright, 2003

Study pages: pp. 34-38

Background–We are beginning a study of how to respond to interactions which create resistance in us.  Combustibility may arise due to a person, an activity or a location.  In this section of Oneness, we start by simply noticing the intensity of our experience and taking a breath in at that moment.  Here is a paraphrase from pp. 34-35:

When unbalanced, step back for a moment.  Withdraw your energies and cease conscious interaction with all that surrounds you.  Allow your awareness to guide you to a place of stillness deep within.  Become centered in the silence of that space.  Breathe deeply through your heart center and detach from the circumstances that have engaged you.  Allow yourself to feel the Light Energy of unconditional Love as It fills you completely.

Making that choice in the face of adversity is a learned reaction that you are encouraged to adopt and to practice in response to life’s dramas.  Shifting your Energy in this way serves to dispel the spiraling wave of diminished vibration that draws you ever deeper into imbalance.  Taking conscious command of the moment is the strongest possible response you can make, regardless of the nature of the circumstances.

Although the above description of Energy-shifting may sound like a visualization best practiced in meditation, the fact is such Energy shifts can be executed in any moment of challenge.  Even as another shares with you his or her disappointment or confusion, you can take a deep breath and center yourself in the silence of your inner stillness.  You can cultivate patience or forgiveness even as they speak.  If this is not possible, start by simply taking a deep breath and noticing your state of contracted emotion.  In time, you will be able to inch your way toward being more in tune with your emotions, eventually learning to temper them and finally being able to turn them into a lighter Energy such as compassion.  That said, take out a journal or piece of paper and let’s look at some specifics:

1. What two situations, people or events are most likely to make me feel contracted (angry, resentful, sad) during the week?

2. Close your eyes and imagine yourself taking a deep breath while that encounter unfolds.  What energies can you cultivate to shift out of that tense emotion? (compassion, gratitude, etc.)

3. Now imagine the situation again, with you responding from these Higher Energies.  What might be a response you could offer? (ex- “I might need some time to digest this.  Can we talk again later?”  “I feel very upset right now but I can also hear what you are saying.  Can we discuss this some more?”)

4. List some recurring emotional dramas that keep resurfacing over the years (ex-conflict with a sibling, resistance to authority).

5. What response could I use the next time this situation occurs?

Know that as we become more skillful in our responses to challenging interactions, we slowly defuse the toxic energies that can build over time.  The more we can identify our patterns of unhealthy reaction, the more likely we are to avoid such circumstances to begin with.  In the coming days, try recalling your notes from this study session when a challenging situation presents itself.  You may even want to put up a post-it note where challenges are likely to occur (work, in the car, etc).  Do your best to be on the look-out for chances to use your newfound awareness and response.  Next time, we will discuss how to allow an outcome that serves the Highest Good of all–even in difficult situations.