Journey along the spiritual Path for any length of time and you quickly realize that it is not a flat, featureless trail. The Path to self-awareness usually presents us with alternating hills of challenge and cool valleys of repose. Often referred to as the spiritual roller-coaster, these are the fluctuations associated with fading in and out of spiritual awareness. One moment we are compassionate and wise, the next moment we are suspicious, resentful and afraid. A wonderfully down-to-Earth spiritual teacher named Adyashanti calls this the “I got it, I lost it” experience.
For many seekers, especially those just starting out, there is an unfortunate misunderstanding about this naturally undulating experience. It is the myth that in a “real” spiritual practice there are no longer such variations; all is peaceful within us and we are forever content. But this is nothing more than a fallacy. Even the masters affirm that contracted emotions can continue after realization–they are simply not invested with meaning or allowed to sever one’s Connection with the Divine Reality.
For many years I, too, believed that the back and forth of my spiritual state was a sign that my Journey was hopelessly flawed. Recently I asked the Angels and Guides about this roller-coaster phenomenon. Here is the encouraging explanation They shared with me regarding the spiritually elevated state:
“The problem is not that you cannot sustain it. The problem is that you resist that its nature is not to be sustained.”
These eloquent words simply mean that the problem is not my spiritual condition, it is the fact that I judge my spiritual condition as unacceptable.
The Angels immediately reminded me that change is the nature of all things. It does not really matter if we accept it or not, the nature of the Universe is to ebb and flow. Please be aware that in the spiritual context, ebb and flow do not mean “good” and “bad.” Rather, ebb refers to Reality in Its state of rest or potentiality while flow indicates activity or manifestation. It is the nature of the Universe in all areas–including physical manifestation, mental understanding and spiritual Evolution–to ebb and flow.
The invitation, then, is to acknowledge that the ebb and flow of our spiritual condition is not the problem. The problem is that we believe it should be different. Therefore, instead of judging the ebb and flow of our spiritual state, the Angels encourage us to see that there is no “better” or “worse” in our inner condition. Everything simply is.
To illustrate this point, the Angels used the analogy of an ebony fan. Imagine that the spiritual experience is like a woman’s ebony fan, ornately decorated by hand. Sometimes it is closed, sometimes partially open and sometimes it is fully expanded. It does not matter whether the fan is open or closed, it is still an exquisite work of art. You would not judge it to be better or worse when open as opposed to being closed; regardless of its condition, it simply is.
Most seekers judge their spiritual experience vertically: an illuminated state is imagined to be higher on the “spiritual scale” and therefore better, while a state of contraction is lower on the spiritual scale and therefore worse. Make no mistake: there are more and less skillful ways to live. There are states of being that incur fewer ramifications later (more skillful) and states of being that create a lot of drama and many ramifications later (less skillful). But in Universal Reality, these are not considered to be better or worse than one another, they are simply more or less complex or efficient.
The Angels encourage us to throw away the old vertical spiritual paradigm and open our minds to a whole new way of viewing our spiritual experience: Is it more or less skillful? When we are filled with an Energy of compassion, we are in a more efficient and skillful state; we do not say or do things we will have to apologize for later. This expansive state should not be considered “better,” it is simply more efficient than a contracted state, wherein we may say or do something we will later regret. Just like a fully opened fan is no better than a partially opened one so, too, is our expansive state no better than our contracted one. It is simply more skillful in its use of Energy.
If we will accept this new paradigm we can begin to adopt a new, non-judgmental perspective: “I simply am. This is what is today.” Can we take steps to be more skillful? Absolutely–and we should, any time we can. Can we use the tools in our spiritual tool box to create a more efficient spiritual condition? Indeed. But it is important that we slowly shift our belief system away from the sense that “I am ‘good’ when I am expanded and I am ‘bad’ when I am not.” The tension that arises from such judgments only creates more problems. In the end, judging our spiritual progress just means that we are piling more snow on top of the mountain we are trying to shovel through as we grow and evolve.
So give yourself a break. Commit to seeing your practice as a constantly flowing work of art, like a dancer’s fan opening and closing with symbolism. Some days you will be proud as you look back, some days maybe not so much. But what matters is that we are trying, all of us, to make a difference as we grow. What matters is that we see the beauty and artistry in the ongoing dance–regardless of the step we are on at the time.
Grace and Clarity 